Aug 9, 2013

It's Time to Get Real Again

Life is interesting.
It's beautiful, exciting, and full of joy.
It's also challenging, daunting, overwhelming, and utterly painful at times.
And we all get that.

Over the last couple of weeks I have been struggling with anxiety, fear, and many other things that come out of these painful reminders of our great need for God's mercy and deliverance. And I never thought I could experience the feelings I experienced. For my entire life, I've been the optimistic, bubbly, happy go lucky, nice girl. Faith has come so easily to me for me. Always. Even in the midst of an eating disorder I could somewhat grasp faith that I would get through this.

I remember one evening when I was 7 years old, being at the park with my best friend Ali, we were climbing the monkey bars just talking about life, and I looked up and realized how big God was. I can remember to this day, what those clouds looked like. They were so full and "fluffy".  So powerful. You know what I'm talking about. The kind of clouds that make you stop for a moment and thank God for being real. At some point I remember saying something to Ali about God, about how he's always with us.

At 7.
And He is with us. He's been so real in my life from the start. Many of you know that I've struggled with anxiety for many years. Anxiety has its way of coming and going.

Four months ago, I started to experience a different, more difficult side of anxiety. It was one that just wouldn't go away. It started to dig so deep, that one day I woke up and just couldn't push past the fear any longer. It's like I was beating one lie or fear down, and then another one popped up so quick I couldn't even prepare myself for the next hit. And for the first time in my life, I can honestly say the Old Testament came to life in a way I never thought it could. The last couple of years life has brought its own challenges and I've had to experience emotional pain I never did before. We all have that. We've all been there. In fact, right now as you read this you probably are thinking about something you yourself went through or are going through that was painful. We all have painful memories.

For the first time in my life I was crying out to God asking "Where are you? Why aren't you delivering me from this anxiety? I'm doing everything I can to get better, to lay down every fear at every moment. Why aren't you delivering me from this pain God?"

For the first time I could relate to those who struggled to get out of bed in the morning. Who couldn't even begin to see the light at the end of the tunnel.



And it hurt.

It was terrifying.

Health is SO important. Going to the doctor and making sure you are balanced mentally, emotionally, and physically...is SO important. Most of you know I am already open about taking medicine for anxiety. And email me if you need encouragement and hope because I do believe in God's healing. And I've come to the realization that God also heals through medicine. As I began to balance out my hormones, and the chemicals in my brain, I was able to actually stop, breathe, and lay down each fear. I could take that fear that had gone from one tiny little thought and blown up into something so hard to even manage, and battle it. Everyone has different thoughts on medicine and I've had to come to realize that a diabetic needs insulin to live healthy. People with excruciating headaches or backaches need pain killers. People with clinical depression need anti-depressants. So people who struggle with anxiety, and have tried everything they can to take care of the root, and it's still not even beginning to go away, also can take medicine.

Praise God for the healing that comes through that.

And healing is just beginning. It's a process. It takes time. But each day, I'm able to wake up, breathe, pray, exercise, worship, eat, and live once again.

 For the first time in my life, I felt like I had to truly SEARCH. I had to truly STOP and LISTEN. I had to shut out the noise of this world, I had to get off Facebook, instagram, and deal with what was going on in my life, in my heart and in my body. 



So why am I sharing this with you? Well, during my moments of feeling God's embrace I knew I needed to share my experience once again because some of you may need to be reminded you aren't alone. Im still working on getting healthy again and I know it's all a part of this journey. Some days are better than others. But I'm holding onto the truth that this too shall pass. Because GREATER is HE who is in me than he who is in this world.


God is so real. In those moments of darkness He is holding onto me. He is battling the spiritual, physical and emotional battle WITH me. And He is with you.


This morning while spending time with God I had this picture of me walking away from the pit I was stuck in, and God was walking with me, holding my hand, guiding me towards truth.


And He is with you as well.


Im praying for you more than ever before, that if you've fallen into a dark and scary pit, that you look up and see God reaching his strong hand towards you, pulling you back to freedom.


Blessings,
Phil 4:4-9 Brit

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