The last two days have been incredibly beautiful outside. The sun has been shining, filling my soul with some amazing joy and refreshment let me tell you. It's interesting how I see sunny days now that I'm older. It's been a long wet winter, a winter I have become so accustomed to being that I was born a West Coast girl and have fallen in love with cold winter nights bundled up in bed listening to the rain hitting the roof. Yet when spring actually makes its entrance, more than just an official day on our calendar, I get filled with excitement. Excitement for BBQ's with new friends and old friends, camping trips with my family, and walks under the stars. But those walks under the stars are so much different living deep within the heart of a city. Not a huge city like New York, but a large enough city to light up the sky so much the stars seem further away. I miss the stars in my blessed little home town Sublimity. I miss going for walks at night, once the sun has actually gone down, and only hearing a few cars drive by, somewhere in the distance. Here, cars drive by constantly and only lessen around 3 in the morning.
What does this have to do with my being a giver, you might be asking?
Today I was talking about life with a good friend of mine. A friend that has experienced a similar time of transition and the difficulty that comes from that. We were talking about how I've been feeling lately, how I'm more irritable, stressed, anxious, and just not Me. We were talking about how I am even in the midst of a time when some people would be feeling more free than a bird.
I'm currently looking for a job, which is more stressful than it is relaxing.
I'm currently a college graduate.
I'm currently in my second year of marriage, still working out those newlywed quirks.
I'm currently a sister of a strong soldier fighting for our freedom in Afghanistan.
I'm currently on a journey with my husband trying to figure out where I next chapter will begin, Canada or the US?
I'm currently STILL getting used to living 6 hours away from my incredible family and trying to see that as a blessing, to see it as I'm ONLY 6 hours away.
I'm currently a beholder of an incredibly large dream. A dream to fill each and every woman I can with the truth that they are beautiful JUST THE WAY THEY ARE.
I'm currently trying to embrace that truth every single day.
I'm currently overwhelmed. anxious. nervous. and feeling like I've given our more than I should have.
How did I get to that? You might be reading the different things I am "currently" experiencing, and wondered, what's the big deal? That's life?
Totally agree. Yet, being that I am the type of person that gives and gives and gives and wants to give more, I can often give so much that when I come home, close the door, all I want to do is BE. Sometimes I forget to take care of me. Now, I do take care of my body by exercising and eating well. I also can't live without my time with God each day in some way, shape, or form. But sometimes I don't allow myself to JUST BE. I don't allow myself to have a bad day, because when I do I put the pressure on myself to stop being this, or that, and then the anxiety begins to roll. Sometimes, people like that, can give so much of themselves, that they hit a point where they cannot give anymore.
And I can see that point in the distance.
And if I don't stop, and take care of me, take care of my heart....something else will have to stop me.
I love the friendships I have in my life. Lately I've been realizing that God has truly blessed me with amazing friends, with a Mom who is my best friend, with a Dad who never lets me forget that I'm his only little girl, with brothers who just love me for me, with a GrandMother who is just my buddy, with a husband who loves me for me, who cherishes me for me, who challenges me, yet protects my precious heart. I feel SO blessed.
And I don't want to take advantage of that. I want to continue to be able to bless those friends, encourage those friends, and hold their hand when they feel that they can't give anymore.
But in order to do that, I need to take care of me. I need to stop for a moment each day to remember that I don't need to be "super wife". That Jason is blessed by everything I do already. I need to remember that if I'm having a bad day, I can have a bad day. I don't need to be perfect. I need to remember that I'm not always going to have the right words to say to a friend in need. I'm not always going to make every single woman know that they are beautiful. That's not a burden I need to carry. I'm not going to conquer the world and I sure don't need to! I need to remember that the right job will come, I just need to keep trying. I need to remember that what I am focusing on entirely, is going to change the way I am thinking. So if I'm focusing on health and fitness, to the point of obsession, I'm definitely going to get let down. If I'm focusing on miscommunication and hurts from others, I'm going to really feel the pain that comes from that.
Where I am going with this is this...
I, or even YOU, sometimes really need to get our focus back on where it should be.
Sometimes that's what's wrong. Sometimes I'm just really needing to let go of my fears, imperfections, hopes, desires for others, and remember that God is in control of my life. That he made me the way that I am and wants me to take care of myself physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
I know I'm not the only one that goes through rough patches? Can I get an amen from anyone out there!?
God is the one that fills me when I've given all that I can give.
Brit
