Pushing Towards Breaking Free

It's time to get real.

I mean, I always try to be real, and honest when it comes to blogging, and all other areas of my life for that matter. Yet, today, I've decided to share with you some things that God is doing in my heart. They sure are big things, great things....just beautiful things.

So let's be honest. I struggle with fear.

Fear. Such a frustrating word. And for those of you who don't know me, wouldn't know that anxiety has poked itself into my life for quite some time. It's something that almost everyone struggles with in my family when you look down the line. Well, I would say quite the majority at least. Worry, yes, that's normal. But anxiety, the thing that can take over and make you fear everything, obsess over little things, feel nervous for absolutely nothing, yes, that one can sure take over easily. It's something that so many people struggle with and don't even realize it. It's something I have learned to cope with, work through, and ignore.

God has done incredible things in my heart and has truly held onto me when I felt the most frustrated with this "thorn in my flesh" like I've called it many times. And I thank Him continually.

But let me tell you, over the last few months he has been 'stewing' something deep in my heart. He has been pushing me to give up the things I worry about, the things I hold on to, the way I cope with this ugly thorn known as anxiety. And it's been quite the hard hike let me tell you.

The last week or so I felt like I was climbing a mountain that just didn't seem to ever let up. It was like there was no resting point, no place that wasn't constantly going straight up. And boy did that suck. I was tired! Just like you get when hiking up a steep hill, or mountain, that feeling where you are ready to get to the top, and enjoy the view, the freedom. I've been wanting to get there, yet was feeling bogged down by my "lack of being in shape". It was as though I wasn't realizing the strength and ability I have to beat down the things that can really build up walls in my life.

(I'm sorry if any of this isn't making sense for some of you, yet if you struggle with or have struggled with anxiety, this just might sound familiar to you, so bare with me:)

I met with a great friend this morning and told her about the tough week I was experiencing, and after a few hours, it hit me. I realized that I was totally allowing the devil to bring me down and keep me from climbing the mountain of overcoming my fears. I wasn't LISTENING to God whisper into my heart that I can beat this, I can work through the things that bring me down. I was holding onto something that I learned to be ok with. A wonderful author and teacher named Beth Moore says in her devotional called Breaking Free that in her moments of being stuck in those difficult times, she was fine with just coping. She was fine with just staying in those chains that took ahold of her.

We all have something that can bring us fear, we all have something that can take over and keep us from being who God created us to be and who he wants us to be. We all have that thing that kind of bind us. For me, it's been my struggle with anxiety, and I became ok with just living with it. But God has other plans.

It's been a tough week hitting those "chains" head on. It's been a struggle to be honest, and I'm sure it's not been so easy for my husband Jason because he's had to just sit back and watch me try to climb the mountain that has grown in my life. He did pray for me yes, and he spent time listening to me as well. But it took me realizing what I wasn't allowing God to do in my life, and understanding that I needed to get on my hands and knees and lay my heart out to the Lord.

That's exactly what I did. I turned on a great worship mix, opened my journal, and wrote out everything that I was feeling. At one point the song Oh My God by Jars of Clay came on and it just broke me down. The lyrics talk about all the different horrible things that go on in this world, and how all that we can do is cry out to God. That's it. I needed to cry out to God. And boy did I cry!  That's not something I do a whole lot while worshipping God (and I wish I did), yet at this time, it was like "I just needed a good cry." I can hear my Mom saying it right now.

And it worked. God worked. And I saw!

Guys, I know this post must be difficult for some to read, and it may also not make any sense. Yet it was on my heart to be honest, and to  be vulnerable. I know many people that struggle with anxiety and I felt that there must be others that could be reading this and might need a little encouragement.

I can do it. YOU can do it. WE can all climb that mountain that has been growing in our lives. We can all overcome the things that seem to bind us and keep us from being WHO and WHAT God desires for us to be.

I could share many verses with you to support this, and boy I should! Yet, I want to leave you with this.

GOD CAN. GOD WILL if we allow Him. GOD DOES have an incredible plan for our lives, and GOD WILL help us to CONQUER our fears.

Praise God:)

I'll continue filling you in on this journey I am on, and I hope and pray that you can see the great work God wants to do in your heart. For now, I'm gonna continue pressing towards the Lord and praying that he can continue to break my heart and build it back up just as he desires it to be.

Thank you God:)

The Brittsters.

Pine Street.

Pine Street.

During my first year of high school, the year of new beginnings, we moved into a two story home that would soon become ours. From the inside out, my parents renovated and changed it to a classic country home. The yard was all grass. Yet, within a year it had been turned into a beautiful escape from the busy lives we lived. The home I was born in reminds my family of many incredible memories. Yet, it's not the home I miss today. Today, as I enjoy my own first home as an adult, I am reminded of the comfort, fun, and joy I have had in my home in Oregon. It will always be considered home. Even if it's not the place I am living most of the time. Home is where your heart is, and that has become such a reality for me. Yes, my home here with Jason is where my heart is. Yet, every person has a place they look at as "home". It's either where their family is, or where they first moved to when their own home wasn't a good place anymore. We each have a place we love to call home, that place we love to visit when we need to get away from the busy lives we lead in our new home. For me, my "home" is the home I just left. The home my parents have built for us as a family. The place where we all come back to when the holidays roll around. It's home.

It's the street I grew up in.
It's the place I grew to love my parents for who they were not just because they were my parents.
I learned how to cook in that house.
I became best friends with my Mom there.
Josh and I spent hours on the trampoline or in the hot tub there.
I was picked up for my first prom in that house.
And learned how to drive there.
I grew to love my neighbors Rod and Noella like family while living there.
I found my love for mini weiner dogs there:)
I had many hours of journaling and laying in the hammock wondering where God would lead me .
I had to the hard way who my true friends were while living there.
I spent time working in the yard with my Dad, talking to him about life.
I enjoyed many dinners talking to my brothers and parents for hours after the food was gone.
I battled a minor eating disorder there and regained a healthy picture of my true beauty.
God took control of my life so often while living there.
I brought home my love to "meet the family".
My family fell in love with my true love and welcomed him into our family there.

As I have my own home now with Jason, I desire to create memories just like these wherever we go. I hope to fill our home with love and laughter and the peace of God. I hope to raise my children to love the Lord and live for him here. It won't be in this exact home of course, yet it will be in my home Jason and I created.

In the future, I look forward to going and visiting my home in Oregon, yes, where a piece of my heart will always be.

I look forward to so many incredible memories to continue to be created in that home. The home where I grew up.

Mom, Dad, Josh, and Alex, thank you. Thank you for making home such a beautiful place. Thank you for loving me for who I am every moment I walk through the door. Thank you for my home. I love you.

Britt

Persevering in a New Way

For those of you who know me, know I love to exercise. I love to go for a good power walk with a girl friend, or push through the 30 Day Shred work out dvd by Jillian Michaels. I love getting out for a bike ride, or even rally the tennis ball with my husband for a bit. 

But I don't like to run. 

Or at least, I used to feel that way. 

For the last few years I really hated going for a run. It may be because I was doing it all alone, and not being realistic with myself and my abilities. 

At one point during my struggle with a minor eating disorder a few years back, I would get so angry with myself because I could not break through that tired point in the beginning of a run where my body was going...."what on earth are you making me do"? I was never one to do much running unless it was during my cheerleading daily doubles or random practices. Needless to say, unless I was on a tredmill with the tv going in front of me, I would never choose to go for a nice jog. 

This was the one area that I ignored in the world of exercise. 

Until a few weeks ago. 

A good friend of mine always talks about how much she enjoys a good run, and how good she feels after one. I began to ask her about "the wall" in the beginning of a run where I just felt like I could not push myself any further, nor wanted to. And she explained to me what it actually is and that once you get past that, it gets that much easier. 

So we went for a run! 

We decided that she would train me. Teach me how to love this area, and how to push myself in a way that I never thought I could. 

So two weeks ago, she took me out to this beautiful place in this area, and I started the journey of conquering something I thought I wasn't built to do. 

On that day, she thought it would be good to start small, and work my way up, which we are still continuing to do. We ran 4 minutes and walked 2 and then continued that for the rest of the run. It was challenging for me even though I regularly work out. My body wasn't used to this, yet I pushed through the moments of thinking I couldn't do it. I remember at one point half way through saying how much I wanted to just power walk because that's something I enjoy! Yet, Sarah kindly reminded me that I could do this, and that we only had three minutes left. Then two...then one. I remember even thinking about my older brother and how he runs 10 miles every single day with tons of gear on his back, and heat to make it worse. Yes, he's in the army. But he is still running, and doing something he had never done before. 

I even thought about Jillian Michaels being my trainer and running beside me yelling into my ear saying that I can do it, that I need to battle the lies saying I am not capable. Funny thing is, it worked! 

At the end of our run, Sarah said we were going to run to a certain point, yet I thought it wouldn't be too much longer than what I was used to. When I heard he say we had just run 7 minutes straight I was full of incredible joy! I, the one who hated running. The one who believed I could do anything else in the gym, yet could not be a distance runner...DID IT!

To some of you, this may sound kind of funny. It may seem like such a small hurdle to climb. Yet to me, it was almost impossible in my mind. I didn't think I was even built to run. It was the one thing that constantly would poke in my head saying that I wasn't really in that good of shape because I couldn't run very long. 

Yet, I persevered. 

I pushed myself past the limit that I had put on my back.

I said I couldn't run.

And I can.

And now, I love it! 

I have only just begun. 

Thank you Sarah. Thank you for reminding me that I can do this, and can conquer something that seemed impossible. Thank you for pushing me to run further without me even knowing it, and then sharing the good news as we had finished. I love that you help me push through the mental battle because I can do this physically. Thank you for being my running partner:)

God, you are amazing. Thank you for the beautiful world you have created, and The Dike...my goodness that place is beautiful and helps me enjoy our runs with baby bunnies hopping across the trail. Seeing the horses grazing half way through our run fills me with joy like every other area of your creation. 

What is something little to others, yet huge to you that you need to overcome? I know you have that one thing that you think you either physically can't do, or personally won't be able to accomplish. We are all human and we are constantly changing and growing, so what's an area that you think you could push yourself further in? 

I want to encourage you today with this. 

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us." Eph. 3:20

Whether it's physical, emotional, personal, a goal, a dream, or even a relationship that you want to be reconciled, God is holding your hand. With him working in your heart, you can do anything you can put your mind to. 

So what is that one thing? 

Blessings guys....

The Newlywed.

What's in your life book?

 That, none of us really know.

I just finished reading this cute book called Saving CeeCee Honeycutt, Beth Hoffman. Such a cute read! The gist of the story is this, CeeCee Honeycutt loses her Mom at the age of 12 and moves to Savannah Georgia to live with her great-aunt. It's such a light hearted read, and I enjoyed it. At one point, a close elderly friend talks to her about her life book, and how people come and people go. She talks about how God is in control of our lives, and we are in need of accepting change as it comes.

So basically, it got me thinking....

What's in my life book?

        I mean, I know that this isn't something that can be figured out right now as I am typing this. For it's all in God's hands. I have given my life completely over to him, therefore, I don't need to worry about my future, and whatever comes my way. Praise God for this:) Yet, I still am given the opportunity to make my own decisions on a daily basis, and I am my own person.
       So where will Jason and I end up once I finish with school? When will we start having children? Which friends will be life long, and which will be a part of my life for a season? What choices will I make? What will come of my dream, The Beautiful Truth?
      This just brings me to look at the way life has been for me, and I am so thankful. I'm incredibly thankful for the friends God has given me, and the family that I love so much. I am humbled by the tough lessons I had to learn, and willing to continue learning. I'm am thankful for the mountains I have been able to climb, because I can always look back and be reminded that God is holding my hand and guiding me the whole way. I am reminded of God's provision over Jason and I and how he took such great care of us this past year. I am thankful, at peace, humbled, and full of joy as I look at the first 22 chapters of my life book.
       Yet, I am excited for the rest of the chapters to come. I hope and pray that my time here will continue for quite a while, for there is many wonderful things I want to experience, people I want to bless, things I want to accomplish, time I want to spend with others, babies I want to raise, moments I want to cherish my Jason, my family. There is so much I look forward to as I look at the rest of my life book...with the pages not yet written on.
       Once again, I want to learn from this thought, challenge myself and the rest of you reading this. What are we going to do with the lives God has given us? What are we going to write in our life book? I know that I desire to serve the Lord until the day I go home to be with him, and I am excited to think about everything else inbetween. So I'm going to consciously choose today, to be a blessing. Tomorrow, I want to be a blessing, and the next....yep....I would love to be a blessing to someone, somewhere, somehow.

What's in your life book?

Is God in control?

Cuz if he is, I guarantee, you have someone taking care of you, someone holding your hand, someone loving you when you need it most, someone holding on to you when you feel like letting go.

Yep, that's the most important aspect to every life book.......God. :)

Blessings. Hugs. And Prayers for you today.

Britt

The Importance of Girlfriends

For those of you that know me, know my Mom and I are best friends. We are so much alike, we love the same things, we laugh at the same things, and well...she's my Momma Love. To some, they just don't understand how close I am to my Mom. So think I'm dependant on her and just haven't "leave and cleaved". Nope, that's not it. I mean leaving and cleaving your family is such a process so I'm going to jump out there and say that just because you say your vows and get married, doesn't mean you leave and cleave over night. Some people are different, yet for me, it is a process to "leave" my family, and "cleave" to the man I have married. I've enjoyed the process and have come a long way but this isn't what I am blogging about, and now I'm rambling so I think I'll get back on track:) 

Girlfriends. 

I've got many:)

Yet, sometimes I don't realize how many great girlfriends I have been given. 

And I allow myself to get in a routine of busy life....cleaning, being a wife, working, and looking forward to the next time I get to see my best friend, and my family. 

And then I go through a tough time, often a night of crying, and Jason trying to figure out why I'm sad...oops! (Anyone else ever have a spell of woman emotions and leave your poor husband feeling like "he's just gone through a blender" (that's what Jason calls it:) because of our silly emotional rollercoasters that poke their heads in here and there?

So then, Jason reminds me that I have some wonderful friends up here and that it's important to spend time with them while we are living here. It's a gift to be so close to them. We are in a place where I am finishing my degree this year, and then after that we will be settling in somewhere for good wherever we feel God is opening the door. 

Even though it's a wonderful thing to be so close to my Mom and having her as my best friend is amazing! I would never change that. But I can't forget that I have friends that are close by, that I am able to spend time with as well. God has given me a community here as well that I have grown to love. 

Am I making sense here? 

So alass, I was encouraged. I was reminded that I need my girlfriends even though I have married my best friend. I can see why Mom's need their girls nights out. While I am not a mommy and still a student, I have more time and freedom to do those things with my girls and I am so thankful for that. 

The last two weeks, I have been able to reconnect with two girls I had gotten to know my first year of school, and that has been such a gift! I thank God for bringing them back into my life, and being able to connect with them even though it's been so long. I look forward to spending more time getting to know them again, and enjoying their friendship. 

I have been able to get to know a few other people more in the last few weeks and I have been so refreshed, so thankful. Carolyn, I know you will read this, so THANK YOU. Thank you for reminding this and literally leaving your door open for me to come and join you for breakfast. I cannot express how thankful I am for your gift of hospitality. You are amazing.

Jason and I have been able to spend time with a few other young couples and that has been incredible! In fact, this year we have been able to do this regularly. And that is a constant gift to us. Last night for Canada Day, we spent time with some new/old friends and it was so much fun! 

God is continually showing me how important it is so surround myself with people that poor life into me, build me up, challenge and encourage. And I've got that. Thank you God. Thank you Jason for reminding me to spend time with those that I love. 

And Mom, you are amazing. I'm so looking forward to our girly weekend of scrapbooking and pedicures. I always miss you and look forward to our next weekend being goofs together, yet I am always at peace knowing I have you a phone call away. 

Life is wonderful guys. It's challenging, and always seems to be a growing experience. Above all, God has given us friendships for a reason and I look forward to the many memories that continue to be created. 

Love and hugs. 

The Newlywed.  

Yummy. Pretty. Refreshing.

I love summer! I just love the way the sun stays out until after nine. I love the fresh squeezed lemonade. And the abundant deals on fruit and veggies. I love being able to open all the windows first thing in the morning, and let in the freshness of a new day. I love falling asleep every night with the ceiling fan going. I love camping. Roasting marshmallows over the fire, even though it's pure sugar, or pure who knows what. I could go on and on about what I love about summer....

But these would be my favorites today. 

Hydrangeas

These grow right on the CBC campus so I had to ask my boss if I could take some home. Little did she know, these are my absolute favorite! When I was busy wedding planning, these were the only things that I continued to want used. I would change my mind about this, and that. But these would always stay on the priority list. Having them on my kitchen table just makes me so happy. I love taking a moment to look at how beautiful they are.

 

Cherry Apple Crisp

I had a can of cherry pie filling that I had been wanting to use, and there were a couple apples in the fridge, so this recipe worked great! I can't remember where I found it, but it was online, so just type it in the search engine and you will find it. I should really write these things down so that I can make them again, especially when it's a great recipe! 

Cheesy Rolls

I can't tell you where you've had them, or where I even got the recipe because it's a yummy one I have taken from my Mom and it's become our little secret:) But they are good all right! I made them to go along with out good old midwest meatloaf, mashed potatoes, and fresh organic corn (from Costco might I add:)

Well, today I felt like a lighter post. I wanted to share with you some things that bring joy to my heart. Of course, some yummy home cooking will be on that list. Yet, the flowers are pretty high up there, for they remind me of the love God has for me. 

Yep:)

 Jason and I have enjoyed such a refreshing Sunday. It sure was a sabbath! We spent some incredible time with the Lord this morning, and then of course I got the itch to bake. We had been given a huge amount of rasberries from some wonderful friends, so I just had to use them;) I decided I would make some muffins, so that Jason could take them to work, and then some banana bread for me. Jason is allergic to bananas, so I just have to eat it all by myself over the next little while. Bummer:) 

Be blessed as you enjoy the rest of your Sunday, and start your week all over again. Tomorrow, before you start the day, read one Proverb. I've found that to be incredibly encouraging and motivating as I get going on my day. 

Tomorrow, I'm going for a run with a friend that is going to push me. For those of you that know me, know I love to exercise and be active. Yet when it comes to running, I don't enjoy it. She's going to HELP me or MAKE me enjoy it more. It's the one thing I ignore in the world of exercise, unless it's on a tredmill with the tv going. I'll have to update you on my journey of WANTING to enjoy running:)

Britt

Babies, babies...What to Do...What to do...In the Inbetween...

Babies.

Nope, we're not pregnant, nor planning on being pregnant ANYTIME soon. God willing:)

But, this is the main thing we have often been asked about once being married.
"When are you having a little Jason? When do we get to meet a mini Brittany?"

And I must confess...

I have been the one asking those questions...:)

We all love babies. We love the way they smile in their sleep, and giggle and cuddle and the list goes on and on and on. Babies are a gift from God and just as I was reading in a book by Darlene Zschech from Hillsong, she talks about how they are the kiss of heaven. So true.

So what do you in between the wedding day and the day you find out there is a little baby growing inside of you?

Live. Laugh. Love. Enjoy this new love that has taken over life.

Anyone that truly knows me, knows how much I love babies, toddlers, children, tweens, preteens, and teens. I love young adults. And adults as well. Looks like I'll be in luck once the babies come because these seem to be the stages of life:)

Basically, I love life. And life has become all the more beautiful since getting married to Jason Cavanaugh.

So even though I can't wait to be a mommy, and share that gift with the love of my life, I want to enjoy today.

I was sitting on the couch this morning, after spending an hour studying for my History of Israel distance ed final, and I was just flipping through the channels thinking there is NOTHING on this morning. Nothing good on Regis and Kelly, nor The View. The house was cleaned all last week, so I really just need to tidy like usual. I had scanned through all updates on facebook even though I get so bored doing it...Dinner is already made for tonight because we have been graced with yummy left overs. The girls I love getting together with are either in another country, continent, working, or sleeping because of the late night high payed jobs they get. :)

I was thinking about how on this day off, and with the time I had, it would be so fun taking care of a sweet little angel. There we go again, always looking ahead and wanting what is supposed to happen in the future while not being content with today.

So I decided to blog. I decided to ponder the reality of the whirlwind of being a newlywed, and the fact that is stops every so often, just enough for you to think about the babies. Yet these are the moments where I am reminded to be so thankful for what I am given today. Everything else will happen when the time is right.

This is for you other newlyweds that are often asked about babies. Just enjoy today. Enjoy your role as a wife, taking care of the home when you have time inbetween work. Spend time with your husband, and all the other newlyweds out there experiencing the same thing. How cool is that?

Today, is a glorious day. No matter what day it is.

As we wake up in the morning, we need to soak in the beauty of the morning, and the reality that we get to live for our God today, and bless the people we come into contact with. This goes for everyone. Yet, I am speaking to the newlyweds this morning, because there seems to be so much fun pressure to have babies and get that life going! Yet, there is SO much to be learned today. I know there is so much to be learned once babies come, and learning never ends.

MAINLY, I WANT TO ENJOY BEING A NEW WIFE, ENJOY MY HUSBAND, AND THE FREEDOM WE HAVE TODAY.


Just so you know, this isn't for those that seem to ask when we are going to get pregnant:) This is for me to remind myself to slow down anytime that maternal desire starts to poke at me deep in my heart. This is for me to remember that God has perfect timing, and that I want to take life one step at a time.

It's been quite the year of transition for Jason and I. Some incredible mountains to climb. And yet, we climbed them. So now I want to soak in the sunshine that seems to be pouring into my heart every morning that I wake up.

I want to continue enjoying the "in-between"

What a beautiful place to be.

Thank you for letting me vent today. Thank you for allowing me to remember what a blessing it is to be able to have a day with such freedom like today, with no little man needing attention, or little princess needing even more. Those blessings, those kisses from heaven with be here in a few years, when the time is right, after Jason and I have been able to enjoy spending one on one time more a few more years.:)

Be blessed newlyweds, and those that have more years on us newbies yet still have that glow:)

Now I'm going to enjoy my cute little home, and get more studying done:)

Britt