Stuck in the Mud

Fear. Insecurity. Depression. Overeating. Under eating. Unforgiveness. Anger. Regret. Complacency. Laziness. Bitterness. Anxiety.

These are what I call "life suckers", "life takers", things that keep you "stuck in the mud", stuck in a place you don't want to be in. A place you never thought you've been in.

I've been there. And it's life sucking, at times it's crippling.

Why do we allow ourselves to be stuck? We can't control life and the circumstances that come our way. But we can do something about how we respond to our brokenness. It took me a good ten years to figure  out, and let me tell you I would love for you not have to go through what I did in order to get out of that mud I had dug my heels into. Because when we are so very stuck and don't take that step out of the place we don't want to be in, we are missing out on some incredible things. We are blind to the fact that we are surrounded by so many people who love us. We can be bitter to know end towards one person, and forget there are many many people that deserve and need our attention and love today. Sometimes we can miss the beauty in a sunset, because we are so wrapped in our fear that nothing seems beautiful and the world is so very dim. Sometimes we are so stuck in the mud in our battles, that we don't even want to get out of that mud. We are "safe" here. Familiar with the stench.

And yet, we have an incredible God who walks beside us every single day, hoping we will open our eyes to see Him. To see His truth. To see His freedom. To experience healing in the relationships that are broken, or the anxiety that is relentless. He has something greater planned. Even in the midst of a really difficult season.

The first step we can take is trusting God. All we need to do is look up. Say, I'm done allowing this to control my life, and my mid. I'm done being stuck in the mud and desire to let go of all I am holding on to. "I'm over it" is what I like to say. Because there's no reason to allow this to control your life. Difficulties, heart wrenching circumstances, they will always be here until we leave this earth. Yet we don't need to stay stuck. We can find hope and we can find joy.

Changing is difficult. Especially at the start. Letting go, forgiving, all of these things take lots and lots of work. For me, I'm nearing the end of a two year battle of overcoming life sucking anxiety. I say, nearing the end, because I am no longer allowing it to control my life any more. I'm letting go of that weight every single day, in little and big ways, and breaking free from that mud I was oh so stuck in.

And so can you. Whatever it is, big or small, you CAN make a change. You can learn how to forgive. You can experience peace. You can choose hope. You can see the blessings in your life today. It will be a battle, but God says He will never leave us. His word is filled with his promises to be with us always. Joshua 1:9 Is just one of the many that says, "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go".

It takes work. It takes accountability. Be honest with someone you are close to and ask for help. If you need encouragement, there is someone in your life that can help! Seek out someone that has overcome exactly what you are desiring to break free from. A pastor, your Mom, a sibling, a friend, someone.

It's so so time to get out of that mud you have been stuck in my friend. You can do this and it will be so very worth it in the end. Trust me! I've been in your shoes. 

She is My Mom

Recently I've been reflecting on my relationship with my own Mom, as I am now the new Mommy of sweet little girl named Lucy. I can't help but feel overwhelmed by this gift. It's so very special, so unlike any other friendship I've ever had. My Mom has always been my best friend. When I was young, I used to get so sad at times because I didn't have that one best friend. I always had a lot of close friends, but they all had that one bff ae...ae...ae come on ladies you wrote this one out many times. And my Mom would say, "that's because you have me, we are best friends". And as I've grown up to be a very mature adult 😉 I've realized the truth and beauty of this statement. It's true. She is my very best friend. She is my Mom.

I have many very close friends who are like sisters to me. And I praise God for them! They all have a different gift and purpose in my life. Yet my Mom can be a goof ball with me, she can laugh at me, she can put me in my place and remind me of the things only she can correct. She can blatantly remind me of my role as a wife. She can walk through countless stores as I search for the perfect top for this post pardum body, and that's no easy feat. I'm one picky girl. Always have been she says. But she puts the clothes back on the hanger, and Waits as I search for something else I'll probably not like. She is my Mom.

Now here I am, sitting on a couch listening to my own sweet daughter breath deeply as she takes that coveted long afternoon nap. Yet I can't help but wonder how I was blessed enough to be given this gift? My very own 24/7 best friend? Don't get me wrong, my husband is that role as well, and he will always come first. But I have a forever shopping buddy, a Woods Coffee date....I have that little buddy to enjoy life with while Dad is away at work. Someday I just may be where my Mom was as Little Lucy entered my world. Right by my side. Because she is my Mom.

Can I encourage you to call your Mom? Or text her and tell her you love her? This year was my first Mothers Day and goooooodnight is that a well deserved day. This job is endless, 24/7, 365. And it's beautiful. I know life brings its lemons and can sour any relationship.. I spent a good couple years being a snot nosed, hurtful teenager to my own Mom. But, she is my Mom. She loves endlessly and forgives effortlessly. Obviously many have experienced more heartbreak than that, yet forgiveness is possible in every circumstance. Life is too precious and so very short. We never know how long we have with our best friend, so use this time wisely.

I Pray that I am that Mom to my sweet sleeping Lucy. I pray that as she experiences heartbreak because girls can be so mean, and boys can be so cruel, she will know she always has me as her best friend. I pray that the bond we have now,, will only change and grow as the years go by.

 Because I am her Mom. 

The Birth of Lucy Rose

Lucy Rose.
Our sweet little stinker that was born February 19th at 6:30am here in Bellingham, Washington.
And it was a beautiful day. And for weeks now I've wanted to share with you the story leading up to her birth, and the exciting adventure of labor. But I've been busy changing diapers, feeding a hungry little bean, and trying to sleep whenever she does. But today I was inspired. Don't worry, no gory details will be shared, no need for that....and I don't have too much of that anyway.

1 year.
We tried for this precious baby girl for an entire year. Almost to the day.
I had been taking medicine for anxiety for many many years, and this medicine was unsafe for pregnancy and I wasn't about to subject a precious little pure baby to the chemicals found in this medication. So the journey of trying to find another pill that worked with my brain began, and what a journey it was. I'll go into more detail in another blog at another time, because that's quite the experience and God has written quite the story within that journey. Someday, I hope it will be a book, a book that will encourage others and bring hope for healing from anxiety and everything that goes along with it. But today, we focus on the beauty that came from Lucy.

After a very difficult and scary year of trying to find "the right" pill to calm my anxious mind, I came to realize I actually didn't need this pill and it was time to come off of it. That was a three month journey I will write about later, but within DAYS---HOURS of it being completely out of my system, my sweet Lucy Rose was created. Only God could do that. And what a confirmation to me that I did not need this pill any longer.

9+ months go by, and that baby grew--and so did my belly. It was an incredible experience!

It was about 11:30 pm and I was in bed trying to sleep when the first official contraction hit. And I knew. I knew she was coming. And I was terrified. What if I can't do this? What if my desire to do this labor completely without medication, without the tool I had previously used to numb any and every ounce of pain before trying to endure it--wasn't possible for me? What if I have too much anxiety to be a good Mom? What if all this healing and growth I've experienced isn't actually real?

So I told my sweet sleeping husband. And I told my Mom in the other room.
It's time.
After making that inevitable trip to the hospital to find that I was only 1.5 centimeters dilated, and Lucy wasn't quite ready, I lay in bed next to my Mom, next to the one who brought me into this world, how surreal is that--breathing through contractions off and on every 6 mins for a couple hrs. And picturing Jesus holding me in his arms. This was the ONLY way I could relax through every painful contraction the entire 30 hours.

At 12:00 pm I remember going into the large jet tub in our bathroom where I had previously thought I would so calmly labor, and cried. I was terrified and exhausted. I had already labored 13 hrs, how could I continue? That's when Jason put on the new Bethel album, We Will Not Be Shaken.
And I continued to cry. I cried out to the One who created this life inside of me, ready to come out and breathe her first breath.

5 hrs later my wonderful doula Deana came over, reminding me that the journey was not over and there was still breathing, squatting, walking aka--laboring to be done.

Around 7:30 everything started to really progress, and my everything intensified. By 10:30 I felt the urge to push and my Mom, Deana, and Jason felt it was time to go back to the hospital. I will NEVER forget that 25 minute drive. The entire time I tried not to push, but everything in me wanted to. I feared that this baby would come during that car ride. Sorry for putting you through the ringer Mom---but it was pretty cool to get to the hospital and be 7 centimeters dilated, knowing I had done all of that work at home!

After checking into the hospital and "settling in", we found out my cervix was not in the right place for this precious baby to come. So no pushing could be done. And the agony began. 4 hrs of waiting, continuing to labor---and wait. I remember so vividly this part of the journey. Mentally, I felt incredibly at peace as I labored in the tub, listening to Bethel's album in the background, with my nurse, Doula, Mom, and husband surrounding me. At one point the song, No Longer Slaves came on and Jesus filled the room with his presence fiercely. To this day I wonder what the nurses thought during that time. There was no going around hearing that song, and feeling the peace of God fill that room.

Here I was, two years after an incredibly terrifying, life changing, "dark night of the soul" kind of seasons. I can't even begin to tell you of the fears I have overcome at this point. To be lying in a tub, going through a very painful labor (as they all are), completely without any medication, FEARLESSLY. At one point I remember hearing a nurse, or someone say, "She is so brave, so strong, so peaceful".
Me, PEACEFUL? BRAVE? STRONG?
These are not words I would EVER describe myself after going through two years of CRIPPLING fear. And here I was in a place where if I took control of your mind and keep from allowing each coming contraction fill your mind with fear, they would be less intense. At times I caved. At times I allowed myself to be FILLED with fear. But would be reminded by my Mom, or Deana, or Jason---RELAX. BREATHE. YOU'VE GOT THIS. And I did. And I would once again maintain that peace.

And then they broke my water. Just moved that dang cervix. And everything intensified and moved very quickly. And it was time to push. And two long hours later, my sweet baby girl Lucy Rose was born. The precious gift, miracle, the baby I prayed for, cried out to God for, was placed in my arms.

The journey was beautiful. The labor was longer, and more agonizing than I had prayer for. Yet it was exactly what I needed. It is a life long reminder of how brave I am, how STRONG I am. The days after her birth were incredible. They were also difficult, painful, and terrifying. And God is not done breaking me free from fear. It's a long journey breaking free from something you've battled your entire life. But what a beautiful journey it has been. I look forward to seeing the GOOD that comes out of it. So far, my sweet Lucy Rose is the greatest GOOD that has been born out of this journey.

All glory to God.

And I adore this sweet baby, her smiles, her coo's, her cuddles. I actually look forward to feeding her in a few hours because it's time with just Lucy and I. Watching this little baby grow and flourish as a child of God, my little mini-me that I get to raise. Plus, she gives me 5-8 hours that first chunk and at 2 months I recognize I am beyond blessed to have that. Today I am just in awe that I get to be her Mom. I am humbled that God has actually given me this baby, this new life, after battling daily to fully trust Him.

All..Glory..To..God.

Here's is the link to that incredible song by Bethel. https://youtu.be/f8TkUMJtK5k

It's Time to Get Real Again

Life is interesting.
It's beautiful, exciting, and full of joy.
It's also challenging, daunting, overwhelming, and utterly painful at times.
And we all get that.

Over the last couple of weeks I have been struggling with anxiety, fear, and many other things that come out of these painful reminders of our great need for God's mercy and deliverance. And I never thought I could experience the feelings I experienced. For my entire life, I've been the optimistic, bubbly, happy go lucky, nice girl. Faith has come so easily to me for me. Always. Even in the midst of an eating disorder I could somewhat grasp faith that I would get through this.

I remember one evening when I was 7 years old, being at the park with my best friend Ali, we were climbing the monkey bars just talking about life, and I looked up and realized how big God was. I can remember to this day, what those clouds looked like. They were so full and "fluffy".  So powerful. You know what I'm talking about. The kind of clouds that make you stop for a moment and thank God for being real. At some point I remember saying something to Ali about God, about how he's always with us.

At 7.
And He is with us. He's been so real in my life from the start. Many of you know that I've struggled with anxiety for many years. Anxiety has its way of coming and going.

Four months ago, I started to experience a different, more difficult side of anxiety. It was one that just wouldn't go away. It started to dig so deep, that one day I woke up and just couldn't push past the fear any longer. It's like I was beating one lie or fear down, and then another one popped up so quick I couldn't even prepare myself for the next hit. And for the first time in my life, I can honestly say the Old Testament came to life in a way I never thought it could. The last couple of years life has brought its own challenges and I've had to experience emotional pain I never did before. We all have that. We've all been there. In fact, right now as you read this you probably are thinking about something you yourself went through or are going through that was painful. We all have painful memories.

For the first time in my life I was crying out to God asking "Where are you? Why aren't you delivering me from this anxiety? I'm doing everything I can to get better, to lay down every fear at every moment. Why aren't you delivering me from this pain God?"

For the first time I could relate to those who struggled to get out of bed in the morning. Who couldn't even begin to see the light at the end of the tunnel.



And it hurt.

It was terrifying.

Health is SO important. Going to the doctor and making sure you are balanced mentally, emotionally, and physically...is SO important. Most of you know I am already open about taking medicine for anxiety. And email me if you need encouragement and hope because I do believe in God's healing. And I've come to the realization that God also heals through medicine. As I began to balance out my hormones, and the chemicals in my brain, I was able to actually stop, breathe, and lay down each fear. I could take that fear that had gone from one tiny little thought and blown up into something so hard to even manage, and battle it. Everyone has different thoughts on medicine and I've had to come to realize that a diabetic needs insulin to live healthy. People with excruciating headaches or backaches need pain killers. People with clinical depression need anti-depressants. So people who struggle with anxiety, and have tried everything they can to take care of the root, and it's still not even beginning to go away, also can take medicine.

Praise God for the healing that comes through that.

And healing is just beginning. It's a process. It takes time. But each day, I'm able to wake up, breathe, pray, exercise, worship, eat, and live once again.

 For the first time in my life, I felt like I had to truly SEARCH. I had to truly STOP and LISTEN. I had to shut out the noise of this world, I had to get off Facebook, instagram, and deal with what was going on in my life, in my heart and in my body. 

So why am I sharing this with you? Well, during my moments of feeling God's embrace I knew I needed to share my experience once again because some of you may need to be reminded you aren't alone. Im still working on getting healthy again and I know it's all a part of this journey. Some days are better than others. But I'm holding onto the truth that this too shall pass. Because GREATER is HE who is in me than he who is in this world.


God is so real. In those moments of darkness He is holding onto me. He is battling the spiritual, physical and emotional battle WITH me. And He is with you.


This morning while spending time with God I had this picture of me walking away from the pit I was stuck in, and God was walking with me, holding my hand, guiding me towards truth.


And He is with you as well.


Im praying for you more than ever before, that if you've fallen into a dark and scary pit, that you look up and see God reaching his strong hand towards you, pulling you back to freedom.


Blessings,
Phil 4:4-9 Brit

Sweetness to Deepness: Our Story

Recently I've been reminded of how lucky I am to have married my best friend. I remember for many years, waiting and waiting for that special person to come into my life. I dated a few different guys, but when I met my Jason, I knew. I knew his friendship was different. I knew his smile was different. It was for me. It was just for me. And now, as I look back over the last 5 years that I have known him, I am filled with such joy. When he came into my life my second year of college, I knew he was the man I was supposed to marry. I remember sitting in a worship service at his parent's church and just soaked in God's presence. At one point I opened my eyes, and look up at our worship leader and heard "that's the man you're going to marry". Immediately I thought, are you crazy Britt? You don't know this guy...and went through every reason why whatever I heard was wrong. I even remembered one of the conversations I had with my Dad when I was younger about how sometimes we think we are hearing God speak to us, when it just might not be him but rather ourselves. So I went home that night after church and journaled. (It would be fun to go through those old entries just to see all that I had said) Anyway, I decided, I'll just give this to God, lay it down, and see where it goes. After a few weeks of hanging out in groups, one evening everybody bailed and Jason and I ended up being the only ones to go to our weekly coffee night. And that's when I began to realized that God might have had something to do with what I heard in my heart that one night. Over the next 6 months, I really began to fall in love with this guy. And after being just friends for the entire school year, we decided to give a relationship a shot. We dated for 8 months and got engaged. 7 months later we were wed. It was such a fun time. Looking down and seeing a diamond on my ring finger was unreal, especially because it was from the guy that had become my absolute best friend over the span of the last year.

Our honeymoon was wonderful. Romantic, exciting, and full of the hot summer weather you find in South Carolina and Georgia. Everyday was filled with adventure and exploring the east coast. We loved it! So much that we wish we could head back there and do it all over again. I remember one evening we decided to ride our bikes over to another part of Hilton Head Island to see some outdoor concert and eat another incredible dinner. As we were heading home, we noticed the clouds had rolled in and we were caught in a thunder storm/down pour. Which of course reminded us of our wedding day. If I haven't told that story, I'll have to do that another time. Anyway, Southern downpours in July are rather hot, so it was something to be experienced for sure. No need to run under shelter when the rain will only cool you off for a little bit. Needless to say, our honeymoon was just what it should be. Just me and Jason.

The day we got home, we were welcomed by wonderful family and an overwhelming amount of gifts. There is nothing quite like having everything you could possibly need for your first home come in one day. It was like Christmas times ten! That evening though, we were hit with a ton of bricks by some incredibly difficult news. There was some traumatic things going on in the family that would eventually work itself out. Yet, our first year of marriage was incredible difficult. Not between Jason and I. That was beautiful, blissful, and exciting. But there was pain from what had happened after our honeymoon that dug so deep that there was always this dark cloud hanging over us. So as we were trying to get to know each other as husband and wife, we were also trying to deal with some painful family drama right outside our front door. But we made it through stronger. I remember when we had been married for a little over a year and the family issues had cleared up a bit, and we had learn to separate ourselves from it. It was like our honeymoon stage had just begun. I remember looking at Jason and seeing a new man. We were able to look at life differently. I was able to go to weddings and not cry. Before, I wasn't tearing up because of how beautiful everything was, (just cuz I'm more someone that gets really excited and giddy rather than filled with tears.) I was tearing up because I didn't understand why we had to have thunder and lightning on our wedding day. Or why the day we started our lives together  (outside of the honeymoon times of bliss) everything had to change from joy to sorrow and anger. I was filled with a hope that these new couples getting married, wouldn't have to go through what we did. And none of them have praise God!

The point of this blog is not to point fault to anyone, or "brag" about how hard we have had it. The point is to show that those smiling faces in the wedding albums have more of a story to tell. The love that you profess on your wedding day deepens as time goes on. The love I have for Jason is different now, three years later. It's a deeper love. He has become my companion, my life partner. It's a process. Becoming one is a process. It's a difficult process at times, and extremely wonderful at others. I wouldn't change our story, because it's made Jason and I who were are today. The trust and faith I have in him is deeper than it might have been because we learned to depend on each other and the Lord from the beginning. Rather than living in pure romance and bliss, we had to learn to see past the frustrations and remember why we CHOSE to marry each other. We learned to deal with frustrations right then and there when they came up. Of course we still argue and bicker at times. Marriage has it's ups and downs. But those up's and down's have never made me question why I had married this man. They always challenge me to look at myself and change my attitude. Or just TALK it out with the man that I love. Open communication is sometimes the most difficult thing, but it's the most beautiful thing. It strengthens the relationship.


I have a feeling I've written WAY more than I normally do, and that this blog would actually be considered a short book. But it's for a purpose. Marriage is a challenge. If you fight, you are not alone. If you have had some difficult times, you are not alone. More couples have had diffulct first years of marriage than you would know. We've met many that have had their own difficult trials as well. It's life. And when life throws you lemons, turn it into lemonade:)


Blessings to you guys today,

I'm going to go and enjoy some time with the man that I love more and more each and every day. Yep, he's kinda perfect for me. Adorable. And oh so handsome:D

Britt

More Lost than Found

More Lost than Found was an interesting read. In some ways it was a little difficult to get into, but that’s because I’m not one to read a whole lot of self help books anymore. I have 4 years of Bible College to blame for that one. The overriding theme of this book was filled with helpful information in relation to my generation and how they respond to Christianity now days. It helped me understand why I’ve had so many conversations with friends about how they don’t see the need to go to church, spend time with God, and not do certain things. The author makes a few statements that do affirm the fact that many of our young adults sitting in the pews each Sunday are actually more lost than they are found. And even more are leaving the church they have spent so much of their life in. He brings clarity as well as direction in how to encourage and lead them in the right direction.  If you find yourself wondering why there are such a smaller amount of young adults in your church, this book might help give you some insight. The author does explain that it’s not always the church’s fault that they have left. Rather, they are being strongly influenced by the world we live in. I would encourage you to read this book!

Life is...

There's a new song that just speaks to my heart. It's one of Bethel's Loft Session songs, Come to Me. Everytime I hear it, I'm filled with such awe in the God that we serve. I'm hit with such admiration. With such wonder. How can God love me when I continually screw up? How can he show forgiveness and grace after I make mistake after mistake? All he asks is that we come to him with humility and ask for forgiveness. Wow. Really? You mean I don't need to go out and do this or this or that and earn your forgiveness? You mean you give it freely? Because you love me?

Wow. Speechless. 

How can we not give a God like this a chance? 

How can we not take a moment each day to thank him for loving me JUSTAS I AM. 

How can we not desire to make a change in our attitudes, in our temp tantrums?

How can we continue on a path towards destruction, if that's what we've decided....

I remember reaching a point in my life where I finally understood that our God is a God of love. He doesn't sit up in heaven waiting for us to make a mistake, then hit us with that painful lightning bolt. He's a God of love. Just like you may be a parent of love. You desire for your children to make good decisions, because you love them. You don't want anything to harm them. Neither does our God. 

Recently I've been feeling a bit bogged down with the stresses of life, the pressures, the frustrations. I'm not really a person that focuses too much on that stuff, but there are times where I do have something heavy on my heart. And I'm reminded of how incredible my God is. How he is full of such incredible grace and forgiveness. And goodness does he know how to bless his children! 

Sometimes taking that moment to reflect on those things about us we desire to work on, is a good thing. It's refreshing once the frustration is replaced with "...the peace of God that goes beyond our understanding..." Phil 4:... 

Listen to this song. It's incredible. It's a reminder that the God we pray to each night, and sing to each Sunday, is listening. Thank you God! 

Come to me, I'm all you need. I'm everything. 

I am your anger in the wind and the waves

I am your steadfast, so don't be afraid. 

Though your heart and flesh my fail you, I'm your FAITHFUL STRENGTH

I am with you, wherever you go. 

Come to me, I'm all you need. 

Wow, how cool is our God:)

I love him.

B

In The Meantime...

Life sure feels beautiful right now.
I mean, we are living the dream...
We have now moved back to the states and both have great jobs. We live in a cute little condo, in just about the best location for us right now. What can beat having The Woods Coffee shop around the corner and my work across the street. And don't forget Fred Meyer that way, and Costco this way, and Target--right over there. Basically, it's the best. We have the freedom to go out to eat once a week, wherever we would like. Then curl up on the couch together each evening to watch our latest favs. We are plugged into an amazing church and get to experience a journey that we weren't sure would come for a while.

I mean seriously, life is so good.

Yet the question still lingers....

When are they going to have a baby?

The question lingers for every married couple that has been married a few years and are without wee ones.

But why?

Don't get me wrong, I adore little kids. Actually, I have my moments daily where I think I'm ready to have one of my own. People that know me, know that I can't wait to hold a baby, or chat with a 2 year old. They are just precious and full of joy. And I want some of that.

But not quite yet.

Because, in the meantime...

-I want to get to know my husband better. I want to be able to come home each evening and sit at the dinner table and hear about his day without any interruptions.
-I want to sleep in till however long Saturday mornings and wake up to my sweet husband, knowing we don't have to get up just quite yet.
-I want to be able to go out for dessert randomly, or run over to our friends how to watch some random tv show.
-I want to continue these weekly date nights just because we can.
-I want to hold on to these "smaller" loads of laundry just a bit longer.
-And soak up  the tidy or some what tidy home.
-I enjoy being able to stay out later some nights, or settle down real early others.
-I want to buy a home first, and make it our own.

But you know, even as I write this, I look forward to the day where everything changes and we are hopefully blessed with a beautiful little miracle. Everything in my wants to be a Mommy. Everything.

Yet, the time has not come just yet. And we are going to soak this up a little bit longer, this time known as "Just the Two of Us".

So in the meantime, I'm going to enjoy my sweet husband. And even talk about our future Jason Jr's here and there....

And for those of you that are not ready to start that adorable family just yet, it's ok. It's ok to enjoy your time together. It's ok to look forward to the future of having kids and knowing that you aren't quite ready. It's ok.

 God has a plan remember?

I would much rather stick to his plan rather than mine...

And for now, I think his plan is to be content in the meantime...to soak up each and every moment.

Yep, I like this whole meantime thing.

A Bittersweet Goodbye

Today I had to say goodbye to my friend Jacob. Jacob is a 99 year old gentleman that lives on the bottom floor of my building, the building I will be leaving very soon. I first met this man walking home from class last year. He has walked in front of our building every single day for 3 years now, rain or shine. Did I mention he is 99 years old? As I began to see him almost everyday, a friendship formed and I got to know a little more about this man. One day I brought some cookies down to his apartment, no need to have too many of those lying around my house, that's for sure. He began to tell me about himself and offered to lend me a book he had written, his own memoir.

Now for any of you that know me well, know how much I love elderly people. From the time I was a little girl, my Grandmother would take me on Saturday's to visit my great-aunt and her pals at the nursing home, as well as my Great-Grandmother in the later years. A passion to get to know elderly people started at a very young age. In the 5th grade, I volunteered once a week at that same nursing home by painting nails for the older women, and baking cookies galore. Those are memories that I cherish, for because I became comfortable with the elderly people at a young age, I was led to take the time to stop and talk to Jacob that first day walking home from school.

Jacob is one of the wisest, dearest, soft hearted gentleman I have ever met. In reading through his life story I learned that he spent years living out in the middle of nowhere ministering to the native culture. When he moved on from that, he spent many years teaching English, and I mean many many years....until he was at least 80. It's just incredible to see the life this man lives. He is even still driving! One of his funniest jokes comes from talking about how the DMV renewed his license until 2014....he's 99 years old guys!

Anyway, for the last few weeks I've been thinking about how I needed to go downstairs and say goodbye. Yet I just couldn't bring myself to make the time, and now I know why. It was bittersweet to see him, for I'm not sure if I will ever see this wonderful gentleman again. He's had quite a few falls over the last few months, which means he just might need to move into a rest home sooner than he would like. It just breaks my heart to think about all the people who have had to move into homes like that even though they desire to have their independence. But, his spirits are still so high. He really messed up his shoulder from his last big fall about 8 months ago. Yet he still does his exercises every single day because he thinks that while he is still here, why not take care of the body I do have and live life to the fullest. Now of course he moves slowly, but he's still moving!

As we were sitting and talking about how much longer he will be living in this building because of the amount of falls he had, I asked him how come he has such a positive attitude. These were his words, "I often think of life like a weave. You've got strings going up, and strings going in and out sideways. Without these strings going sideways, the weave would be nothing but a plain old mop. Life is the same way. You have the regularity, comfort, and all things good in the strings that are going up and down. The unfamiliar, challenging, and disheartening are those going in and out of those other strings. Looking at them as an entire weave, you see life in itself. It's about taking the good and walking strongly through the bad."

Wow. Thank you Jacob for the reminder that life has its ups and downs. This man lost his wife over 20 years ago, and yet he has continued to live with hope and pure joy. A while back I asked him if he ever had a longing to go to heaven. And his response was that he looks forward to the day when he does get to go home, yet he enjoys life here on earth. Talk about living in the meantime. He knows that there will come a day when he gets to leave his old body and see his beautiful wife again. Yet he doesn't find the point in moping about how he's got an achy back, or a sore shoulder. He finds joy in TODAY. RIGHT NOW.

I just had to blog about this man because there is such truth in his life. There is such beauty in God's life through Jacob. I look forward to seeing him again in heaven someday, but for now I will be thankful for his letters. It's bittersweet to say goodbye to someone when you know they may not be around for much longer. Yet, at the rate Jacob is going, he could very well outlive me!

Maybe you should stop and say hello to that older woman you see in church every Sunday bringing out the hanky because Jesus touches her heart so deeply. Or stop and talk to the man that sits in the back row every single Sunday. There is a gift that you can receive from them that you can't get from anyone else. There is wisdom that can be shared, experiences that can be learned from, and joy that can be contagious. I thank God for the elderly, for they demonstrate just another part of Jesus that we often overlook. The meek, mild, soft hearted, weathered, and beautiful.

Britt

Falling in Love with the Season

Tonight I came home from work and officially made my first rich fall dinner. Mom's Meatloaf, mashed potatoes, green salad, warm garlic bread. Goodness! I even ended the night enjoying a personal choc chip cookie pie. Such a cool recipe that I found on Pinterest! After those pumpkin spice latte's came out at work a few weeks ago, I've been smelling and tasting the glorious flavors of fall for a while now. Yet, until yesterday, the weather wasn't complimenting those flavors as much as I had hoped. Last week we were laying in our bed at night with three fans going, and still complaining about the heat. This week, it's a whole different story and to be honest I love it! I took a nice long nap on the couch yesterday, soaking in the sounds of the wind and rain hitting our building. Autumn leaves, acorn and fig candles, boots and jackets....ahh these are all coming back into season and I am enjoying every single moment! All of this "fall" talk gets me to thinking  about my family....ok, let's be honest here, everything gets me thinking about my family! But bare with me, I'm feeling the need to reminisce.

Fall meant a few wonderful things in the Larson household. Halloween was just around the corner, and we new this because the pumpkins started popping up in grocery stores, and signs for pumpkin patches started showing up everywhere. It almost feels like yesterday my big brother Alex and I were raking the leaves with Dad, putting them into a pile to jump into, and realize that it actually doesn't feel as good as it looks in our story books. Plus, once you jump in those piles of leaves, you've got to rake them back up again! Looks like I've always had a bit of OCD in my bones....

Sometimes Dad would burn the leaves, which meant the smells of autumn were in full force in our backyard. I remember seeing Mom through the kitchen window cooking up a creamy cheesy soup for us to enjoy after we were done helping Dad. Of course we would be watching Funniest Home Video's while enjoying that amazing soup. My precious little Joshy, my baby brother was always hanging out with us, sharing his adorable little presence every where he went. And Jazz...oh Jazz...or gorgeous white dog that looked like a Blonde Golden Retriever, yet was actually called a Brittany dog. It was meant to be!

Halloween was always a fun time for us, for we would make leave stuffed scare crows, and carve pumpkins with Dad in the garage. I don't remember too many years where we didn't go to some pumpkin patch to pick out our very own pumpkins. Anytime we carved these orange things, my Dad would get a brilliant idea to use all sorts of little electric saws to get as clean a cut as he could. I don't remember too much of a mess that's for sure. And that almost warms my heart! I'm a Daddy's girl that's for sure....obsessively clean at times.

Each time Alex and I came back from Trick-or-treating with Mom, Dad, Joshy, Grandma, and Grandpa, we would dump out all of our candy in the living room floor, so that we could swap candies. Joshy of course was too little to have that much freedom with sugar, so we definitely had to wait until the little pooper was out in his toddler bed.

I realize that none of these memories will have a whole lot of significance for you, and that's ok. As I sat in my bubble bath tonight I was reminded of so many wonderful memories I've shared with my beautiful family. I was reminded of the realty that laughter has always been a part of our lives, and it continues today whenever we are together. It's one of the most refreshing things about being with my family. I was reminded of the many special holidays we've shared together, and it made me excited to share those same holidays in the future when my Mom and Dad are also known as Grandpa and Nana.

I hope this sparks some of your most treasured memories of fall with your family or other loved ones. Just taking the time to reminisce brings a renewed joy to my heart.

Love you so much Mom, you are my best friend. I loved that each day I become more like you!
Love you so much Dad! Your laughter, wisdom, and humility never cease to amaze me!
Love you so much Alex! I'm praying for you EVERY SINGLE DAY and can't wait to reminisce with you as soon as you are home. I'm so proud of you soldier!
Love you so much Joshy Squashy! You're my buddy, and I love looking back and seeing how much fun I've had being your big sister!
Last but definitely not least, to my sweet little Charlie Barley...my mini wiener dog puppers that is probably curled up in bed as I type...I miss your sloppy little kisses and warm cuddles every night! Yes. I JUST wrote a message to our mini wiener dog. It's therapeutic for this homesick girl:)

Content Yet Ansy

Right now, I'm sitting in the most perfect atmosphere there is for me to write. A fresh new fall candle called Autumn from Bath & Body Works is filling my home with a warm and cozy scent. I've got my new favorite musician playing in the background, Joy Williams. Her stuff with The Civil Wars got me hooked, and I recommend you checking her new stuff out. Anyway, because I'm a little ahead of the seasons, I've got all the windows open, and fans a blowing so that this warm 4th floor place can chill out a wee bit.
 I love it.
And I'm so thankful for this home.
I'm so thankful for a husband that enjoys spending time with his buddies, so I can enjoy so me time at home. Which means, cleaning, doodling around, cooking a light and healthy meal, enjoying some chocolate, not getting out of my pj's until I shower at 10:00 pm and head to be, in a fresh new pair of pj's. Funny part, there are no lights on in my house. As I sat down to write, the sun was going down. So as I sit here continuing to write, the sun has definately made its way to the other side of the world to brighten up their day.

Speaking of the other side of the world, be praying for our soldiers. My brother is literally battling every single day in Kandahar, Afghanistan with the US Army. There's so many miracle stories my Dad has shared with me, things that my brother has told him, that sometimes I wish I never heard. I wish I could share them on here, yet obviously there is confidentiality that comes along with being a military family. All I can say, there have been many moments where their lives were so closely on the line, and God's provision took over and saved them. It almost leads me to tears to think my precious big brother is experiencing this himself, and that it's not someone else I am talking about. Yet, the truth is, it is my big brother. It is millions of other big brothers. So pray. Every morning as you are waking up, pray that our soldiers can fall asleep soundly and peacefully, as peaceful as it can be knowing what you are going to do in a few hours. Pray for their protection every second of their day. Alex has said he is really seeing the prayers, for there have been too many close calls. Pray that they don't get sick, that they can shower. Pray that the food they are given will nourish their bodies. The frontline guys aren't getting too many fresh meals. I'm not sure about the others, but the infantry are eating to keep going. Just pray. That's all we can do right now. Pray. For our leaders, our president, for that country so when we leave, the Taliban doesn't just take over completely and ruin everything we've gone there to do. And pray for my Mom. For my Dad and little brother. Pray for all brothers, sisters, Mom's and Dad's, wives, son's, and daughters. Pray that they can sleep each night in peace knowing that God has his hand over their soldier. Pray that they don't allow fear, worry, and sadness to take over to the point of taking the joy out of every moment. Just pray.

That's all I've got for you guys, blessings.

Brit

TMI?

I have an issue...

I like to talk to anyone and everyone about anything and everything.
Some people would say that's a good personality trait, being able to have a conversation with just about anyone. Yet, I would call it an issue. Why? I will tell people the most random things! Today is a very good example. First of all, let me tell you, I've been up since 3:10 am being that Starbucks partners need to get there early to get the place up and running so we can hand out the most legal drug there is! Or else, there would be some very unfortunate things happening on the roads, in every workplace, and goodness golly in the homes of many many many stay at home Mommy's. Ok, back to the odd point of this blog. Certain customers will ask how I am doing after I ask them when they come to the drive thru window. Often my response with be, oh I'm good, just trying to wake up...and the conversation will continue and somewhere in there I might even say I'm from.....about 25 mins away.

WHY DO I NEED TO SAY THAT? I mean, I never really think much about it being that ..... is a bigger city and tons of people live there. It's not like I say oh I live off this street, this is our apartment number, and if you really want to know, this is my birth date, social security number, and bank number. I promise, I don't do that!

But last night, Jason and I were talking and somehow I brought up the fact that someone was complaining about having to drive ALL THE WAY OUT TO ......, and I said I lived there, it's not that far. Jason's response was, why do you tell them you live in Abbotsford?

I have absolutely no idea to be honest. I mean, I love chatting with people, and I guess I'm the kinda person that likes to make everyone feel like they are important. Which means taking a second to chat and saying more than the usual, "Isn't the weather so nice today?" I mean come on, of course it's nice, and of course we all know it! Sunny days aren't a regular thing here in BC this summer.

Anyway, I've just come to the realization that I just might tell people a little more info than needed. I mean, almost everyone I know clearly knows I'm allergic to dairy, and they also know what happens if I have it! I used to blame my openness about farting on having two brothers, but I don't think my older brother would talk about that one with anyone, and I sure don't think my little brother would either unless it's his buddies, or me of course.

Sometimes I just wonder....is it ok to live your life like an open book? I mean I do keep secrets, and of course I use discretion when talking to people. Like I said, they don't know my important info! And alot of the time I just say hi, enjoy your coffee, have a great day!

I do have the conclusion though, I like people. I love making friends. I love making people feel comfortable, important, and worth someone's time. I love putting a smile on someone's face, except there is someone the comes through our drive-thru every single morning and I'm def not gonna get a smile outa her!

Funny story though, I promise I'm almost done with this random rant.
A while back I was in the grocery store trying to figure out if the pot roasts were a good price. Meat is much more expensive in Canada, so without Jason there to help me figure out whether it's a good price for the size we need, which I'm still unsure about being that we're on a total different measuring system up here. So I asked the gentleman standing next to me about the price. For some reason I said I was from the states and didn't understand the prices and the weight measurements, which led him to ask where I was from. I said Oregon, and he said where. I started to use my brain after that and said Portland....which is CLOSE to where I'm from. He then said, why are you up here? Oh, I went to school up here and then got married. Well crap, the guy kept asking questions, and then I started to get weirded out. I could see my name coming up on the missing person list on channel 2 news...So that's when the creativity began. I said my husband was a musician so we actually travel alot. We don't actually have a home here. Kinda the truth, but kinda a stretch. We DO have a home lol. He then asked about my husband, and what we do. I said, I'm a traveling speaker, and he's in a band so we're always on the road. Wow, I was enjoying telling this story. It's only our DREAMS! The guy BELIEVED it all and said, "well good for you guys" and that was that. I made my way home, making sure there wasn't a weirdo stalking behind me.

That's when I realized, I can be too friendly sometimes, especially after a cup of my favorite coffee. Yes, being friendly makes a good barista, which means I've found the right occupation! But, it also brings on the weirdo's. The moral of the story, continue working on who gets to know what info Brit. This blog was obviously for me.

Now, it's time for a nap. Getting up so early only leads a person to write a blog on a subject such as this.

Blessings my friends,

Britt

Life as a Starbucks Barista

I have recently embarked on a new journey which consists of coffee, coffee beans, coffee grounds, and a whole bunch more coffee! It's been a funny transition going from school, to working at Starbucks. Last month, I was able to sleep in until 9, relax at the house, keep it clean, cook dinner, and then just spend time with my hubby. Now, I may be up at 3:00 am to get to work by 4:00, and then be in bed by 8:00 pm to do it all over again the next morning. Sometimes I'm even lucky enough to sleep in until 5:15am to be at work by 6:00 am. For some reason, I really don't mind this type of schedule. Either it's the fact that I get to smell the incredible aroma of coffee beans all day, or I'm just weird like that!

So let me tell you, I have learned so much about barista's, starbucks, coffee, and CUSTOMERS let me tell ya. This blog is for every one of you wonderful people that like to enjoy your local Starbucks or any other coffee shop. Just a little bit of an overview for you, if you are wondering why your coffee might not be done in exactly one minute, or why the foam is a little less dense than normal.

Training takes A LOT of work! There are so many little things to learn, that seem so simple from the outside, yet as you are learning, you are also WORKING, like most other jobs I would assume.

Here are just a few suggestions for you....

Be nice. Please. It's really only a cup of coffee, or tea, or lemonade. It's not your new mac book, or the meds you've been waiting for to curb your anxiety. It's COFFEE. It's supposed to be ENJOYABLE. What an interesting mix there might I add. If you've got anxiety, should you really be downing a cut of caffeine to add to your already nervous system? Oh well, I do!

Be friendly, even if you don't feel like talking. Just say hi maybe?

Be understanding when the person taking your order has to ask you a few questions after you have spewed out your most complicated drink in under 2 seconds. It's quite difficult to pick up what you are layin down when mumbling occurs.

Be patient. Those headphones barista's wear actually have voices coming thru, letting them know if there is a sandwich that needs to be thrown into the oven, or a million other things that I won't even begin to get into for your sake.

When you are going through the drive thru, please oh please be friendly. I know you are typically in a hurry, but I promise you, we aren't sitting on stools sipping coffee inside. We are actually running around like crazy making sure every drink is getting done correctly and efficiantly. Your drink is a comin! You would be surprised how often the case is that the person that ordered before you, actually ordered 6 complicated drinks, which takes the one or two people on the bar a little longer to make.

Finally, just breathe...

Starbucks, and every other coffee shop is about enjoying the culture. It's about enjoying that wonderful cup of coffee, and taking a moment out of your day to breathe and treat yourself. I totally understand what it's like when you are running late but you HAVE to have that cup of joe. But maybe, just maybe, you should spend a little less time bumming around on facebook when you should have been leaving the house. I can listen to my own advice, I am ashamed to say...

You know what is funny about this quirky little post? I love my job at Starbucks. I actually do! I really enjoy working fast and doing a million different things at once. When I have a few minutes to breathe, I'm actually a little unsure of what I should do if the cleaning is done. Time flies when you are going, going, going, getting a break, and then going again until your shift is over. Really, I love my job, and I enjoy the people I work with, and the friendly customers that come into our busy...700 customers a day....Starbucks.

So tomorrow when you run in before work to get that cup of coffee, remember, IT'S ONLY COFFEE!

The Waiting Place

Ok, I'm sold! A few weeks ago I ordered this book because the title was so intriguing. Yet, once I opened the first page and began my journey through another perspective, I knew what was so attractive to the book. Eileen Button takes the time to explain to each of us how we are always waiting for something to happen. We are waiting to graduate from college, instead of enjoying that fast paced, energetic, learning environment. We are waiting to find the one we are to marry, instead of enjoying the freedom we have while we are single. We are waiting to have a baby, instead of soaking in that time with our spouse. We are waiting for that screaming child to grow up so we can enjoy the quietness of home while they are at school.

This hit me so close to home, let me tell ya! I have been in a place of waiting for quite some time now. Let's just say almost the entire time I've been married which is two years in July. I've been waiting to "start our next adventure together wherever that may be". You see, Jason was going through his final year of school last year, and then I completed mine this year. Now, our lives are supposed to begin right? We're supposed to find that church to make our own NOW. We're supposed to move into the states like we have been planning, NOW. We are supposed to be moving out of our first little home, into our second little home. NOW.

But that's not exactly what we're supposed to do NOW, or else it would be happening NOW. Many close friends have reminded us to enjoy this time of transition, because there is a reason for it. Yet it seems to have taken me a while to figure that out. This book made the light bulb come on full force! I get it! In these times of "mundane normalcy" or "absolute uncertainty", we are to find the simple things to appreciate. This book is more of memoir of Eileen's life and how she came to see purpose and beauty in the times of waiting.

 Now that's a book you should read!

Britt

I'm a Giver

The last two days have been incredibly beautiful outside. The sun has been shining, filling my soul with some amazing joy and refreshment let me tell you. It's interesting how I see sunny days now that I'm older. It's been a long wet winter, a winter I have become so accustomed to being that I was born a West Coast girl and have fallen in love with cold winter nights bundled up in bed listening to the rain hitting the roof. Yet when spring actually makes its entrance, more than just an official day on our calendar, I get filled with excitement. Excitement for BBQ's with new friends and old friends, camping trips with my family, and walks under the stars. But those walks under the stars are so much different living deep within the heart of a city. Not a huge city like New York, but a large enough city to light up the sky so much the stars seem further away. I miss the stars in my blessed little home town Sublimity. I miss going for walks at night, once the sun has actually gone down, and only hearing a few cars drive by, somewhere in the distance. Here, cars drive by constantly and only lessen around 3 in the morning. 

What does this have to do with my being a giver, you might be asking? 

Today I was talking about life with a good friend of mine. A friend that has experienced a similar time of transition and the difficulty that comes from that. We were talking about how I've been feeling lately, how I'm more irritable, stressed, anxious, and just not Me. We were talking about how I am even in the midst of a time when some people would be feeling more free than a bird. 

I'm currently looking for a job, which is more stressful than it is relaxing. 

I'm currently a college graduate. 

I'm currently in my second year of marriage, still working out those newlywed quirks.

I'm currently a sister of a strong soldier fighting for our freedom in Afghanistan.

I'm currently on a journey with my husband trying to figure out where I next chapter will begin, Canada or the US?

I'm currently STILL getting used to living 6 hours away from my incredible family and trying to see that as a blessing, to see it as I'm ONLY 6 hours away.

I'm currently a beholder of an incredibly large dream. A dream to fill each and every woman I can with the truth that they are beautiful JUST THE WAY THEY ARE.

I'm currently trying to embrace that truth every single day. 

I'm currently overwhelmed. anxious. nervous. and feeling like I've given our more than I should have.

How did I get to that? You might be reading the different things I am "currently" experiencing, and wondered, what's the big deal? That's life? 

Totally agree. Yet, being that I am the type of person that gives and gives and gives and wants to give more, I can often give so much that when I come home, close the door, all I want to do is BE. Sometimes I forget to take care of me. Now, I do take care of my body by exercising and eating well. I also can't live without my time with God each day in some way, shape, or form. But sometimes I don't allow myself to JUST BE. I don't allow myself to have a bad day, because when I do I put the pressure on myself to stop being this, or that, and then the anxiety begins to roll. Sometimes, people like that, can give so much of themselves, that they hit a point where they cannot give anymore. 

And I can see that point in the distance. 

And if I don't stop, and take care of me, take care of my heart....something else will have to stop me. 

I love the friendships I have in my life. Lately I've been realizing that God has truly blessed me with amazing friends, with a Mom who is my best friend, with a Dad who never lets me forget that I'm his only little girl, with brothers who just love me for me, with a GrandMother who is just my buddy, with a husband who loves me for me, who cherishes me for me, who challenges me, yet protects my precious heart. I feel SO blessed. 

And I don't want to take advantage of that. I want to continue to be able to bless those friends, encourage those friends, and hold their hand when they feel that they can't give anymore. 

But in order to do that, I need to take care of me. I need to stop for a moment each day to remember that I don't need to be "super wife". That Jason is blessed by everything I do already. I need to remember that if I'm having a bad day, I can have a bad day. I don't need to be perfect. I need to remember that I'm not always going to have the right words to say to a friend in need. I'm not always going to make every single woman know that they are beautiful. That's not a burden I need to carry. I'm not going to conquer the world and I sure don't need to! I need to remember that the right job will come, I just need to keep trying. I need to remember that what I am focusing on entirely, is going to change the way I am thinking. So if I'm focusing on health and fitness, to the point of obsession, I'm definitely going to get let down. If I'm focusing on miscommunication and hurts from others, I'm going to really feel the pain that comes from that. 

Where I am going with this is this...

I, or even YOU, sometimes really need to get our focus back on where it should be.

Sometimes that's what's wrong. Sometimes I'm just really needing to let go of my fears, imperfections, hopes, desires for others, and remember that God is in control of my life. That he made me the way that I am and wants me to take care of myself physically, emotionally, and spiritually. 

I know I'm not the only one that goes through rough patches? Can I get an amen from anyone out there!?

God is the one that fills me when I've given all that I can give. 

Brit

What's He REALLY Thinking?

A few months ago I started to read this book thinking there might be a few good tips in there for this kinda sorta newlywed, and boy was I wrong! Ever single chapter was full of insight on things I had been aware of, yet needed to be reminded of. Being married is a beautiful journey, yet it can be full of fights that aren't really needed. Some arguments are important and are needing to be worked through. While other's are full of miscommunication and can be avoided. As I read through this book, I was reminded of how incredible my husband truly is. I was challenged to think about his point of view and the way he sees things rather than being consumed with my own perception. I was filled with a sense of joy as I read this and would challenge you to pick it up at your local bookstore. Such a good read! 

Love is Patient...why aren't I?

The other night I was laying there, trying to fall asleep and was thinking about life. Imagine that? I was thinking about some of the conversations I'd had with Jason earlier that day and was reminded of my favorite, most convicting verse. I call it the "Love is..." verse.

"4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices in the truth. It always protects, always trust, always hopes, always perseveres."

So as I lay there going over each one of those reminders of TRUE love, these were my silent comments...

Boy do I love my Husband, but do I REALLY show that all that time?

Love is patient- oops, I'm not very patient. I mean seriously, that's not one of my strengths...
Love is kind- on good days, when things go well, I'm very kind! Dang it...
Love does not envy- well, the only thing I envy is the fact that Jase can eat a quesadilla at 11:00 at night and not have that last a lifetime on the hips...
Love does not boast- I'm not a boaster...unless it's boasting when you loudly state that you did ALL the dishes
Love is not proud- I'm sure God could tell me a few times I've been a bit proud...
Love is not rude- oops...
Love is not self-seeking- ever? Really? Are you sure?
Love is not easily angered- Crap.
Love does not keep record of wrongs- None? Ever? I mean they give a good case during an argument though...ok, I get it...it NEVER keeps record of wrongs....
Love does not delight in evil- yesss, I sure don't either!
Love rejoices with the truth- dang it, the devil sure knows how to bug me with lies, and more often than not I believe them!
I think you are getting the picture....aren't you?

You know what's interesting about this little conversation I was having as I lay there in bed, next to the man I truly do love? I was humbled. And boy was I humbled. I'm still being humbled as I sit here and type this blog. Over the last two years I've gotten together with many good girlfriends who are young marrieds as well, and we've talked about these things many times...

We've wondered why we could love someone so much, yet treat them with such, well, UNlove.
That's right. UNlove. I mean, we're def not showing them LOVE.

I didn't lay there feeling extremely angry with myself, distraught over the fact that I can fail at showing love to my husband. I was actually reminded of how much I REALLY need God in my life, showing me where I am not treating others right. Without Him, I continue to think I'm actually doing pretty well, even though I may be hurting some of the closest people to me.

There are many days that I do show love, just like this verse demonstrates it. There are weeks where I'm not self-seeking, rude, impatient...and those are wonderful weeks. There is something to the saying, "A happy wife is a happy house"Or whatever it may be, you know what I'm getting at.

So where am I going with this? What's the point of this blog anyway?

I just wanted to be honest with you and share the reality that NONE of us are perfect. We all make our mistakes, and we all have our bad days. Yet, there's something beautiful in the way God whispers in our hearts, like he did the other night. He whispered this precious verse, at just the perfect time. He reminded me that there are always things I need to work on....constantly...yet He is there to guide me. This verse reminds me of what TRUE love is and how I can TRULY LIVE IT OUT.

Yep.
You aren't the only one that can be snotty. grumpy. impatient.
I can too.
But we can read this verse and remember that there's a much better road to take.

Love is patient- I can be patient...I just need to try.
Love is kind- I am kind to everyone else, so why not remember this with my true love?
It does not envy- Amen!
It does not boast- I can hold me tongue and be reminded of ALL the incredible things Jason does for me everyday.
It is not proud- Just humble yourself girl, that's the best way to go!
It is not rude- I wasn't rude until we lived together, so why not be mature;)
It is not self-seeking- we are a team, why not think/act/live that out?
It is not easily angered- patience, remember? PATIENCE
It keeps no record of wrongs- this really only escalates any argument so why pull that card?

You get where I'm going...

Take a moment to go over these things. How are you NOT showing love?

Love to you all,

Britt

Good Gifts. Great gifts!

It always seems to happen this way.

Tonight as I was lying in bed trying to fall asleep, but really just listening to Jason breathing, fast asleep, my mind began to wander.

Uh oh! It's a good thing, I promise!

I just started to think about how excited I was to have received a Dyson from my parents for graduation. For those of you that have not been formally introduced to every newlywed's or not so newlywed's bff, check it out! It's worth every penny!

Anyway, so as I just reminisced on the moment I opened my present, and the joy I felt and the hugs my parent's received....I was reminded of all the incredible gifts my parents have given me in the past. My Mom and Dad have always made opening up gifts such an exciting experience. And even if there weren't any gifts to be opened, anytime I am with my family it is wonderful. But, since we're on the topic, I will continue.

There has not been one Christmas that my Dad has not gone overboard at least a little bit. Sometimes we would wake up to brand new rollerblades, or boom boxes (when they were cooler than the microscopic things we call amazing today) or even a doll house! I know my Mom was in on each and every one of these things, and she always out does herself when it comes to giving gifts, but Dad--he LOVES giving good gifts!

EVERY single Christmas, Mom opens her gift from Dad and says, "Eric, you promised you weren't going to spend very much this year." Guys, I'm not kidding. This happens every single year, even if they give a heads up saying that it's going to be a smaller Christmas (which we've always been fine with!!)

My Dad just LOVES to give good gifts. He really does! And I know he does it for many reasons...He's just an incredible Father, Husband, Son, Brother--he pretty much rocks.

But as I lay there thinking about how cool my Dad is, I heard this quiet voice whisper in my heart...

"I love to give good gifts too..."

How cool is our God? Just when I'm basically praising him for giving me such an incredible Father here on Earth, he reminds me that he kinda sorta loves me too. He even LOVES to give me good gifts too! Sometimes those gifts come in something small like the person in line ahead of you paying for your coffee...or a call from a friend saying exactly what you needed to hear...or a job just when you need it most...or protection from something horrible...or food on your table every single night...or a new home for you and your family...or goodness I really could go on and on but we get the point.

Our God LOVES to give good gifts!

I was reminded of this verse, 1 John 3:1
"See how very much our Father loves us, for he calls us his children, and that is what we are!"

Talk about the most incredible gift ever! He calls us his sons and daughters....for that is what we truly are.

May you soak up this truth today, that you are the son or daughter of the creator of this earth, and he LOVES to give you GREAT gifts!!!

Blessings-
Britt

Blissful Weekend...

So I have to share....

But first, I've been the one sitting here reading sweet things other hubby's have done and have been like WHAT? No fair!

So, I must say, your time will come...Your time....will come:)

So Friday morning I was watching the little guy I watch every week and got a text from Jase asking if I thought it would be fun to get dressed up and go out to eat with some friends in White Rock. Of course I was excited about this idea! So the plan was that we would head out that way to play some games with friends and then go out to eat that night. We would come back and sleep at one of our friends houses so that we could go to church at Relate Church in Surrey Sunday morning. I loved the plan and had no thoughts to doubt it!

Saturday morning was just nice being able to relax and spend some time at home together. We got ready to go and headed out the door around one. As we were making our way downstairs, I thought, wouldn't it be so cool if Jason was actually surprising me with a weekend somewhere else? So, being the jabber mouth that I am, I told Jason of this glorious thought. Little did I know, that was the plan!

Jason, being the cool, smart, hilarious guy that he is, he took this comment and played with it. He said, "well that's a bummer, no I feel bad that I'm not doing something like that for you. Why did you have to say that?" I was totally feeling bad but also confused as to why that upset him? I mean really, I've  "thought out loud" much worse!

Anyway, the drive to Surrey was nice and relaxing, for the passenger at least;) There was quite a bit of traffic but we just talked and kept a good attitude...Then, Jason went passed the Surrey exit and just kept driving....I didn't think about it too much since I don't know that area. The only thing going on in my mind was, "I've never gone this far, cuz all I know is that there's no more exits leading into Surrey, and this small town girl would be making her way to Vancouver having no idea how to get back!"

Then he just looked at me and said, "we're actually going to Vancouver"......

And I didn't believe him....
And he kept going, and shared all the details...
And then I kinda believed him....
And said..."No way, are you serious? I'm so excited. I just have no words to say. Thank you. You are a doll. I am so excited. Are you serious? Are you really serious? Like can I get excited?

Obviously, I didn't have a problem finding the words to say....

Needless to say, we had a romantic day walking along English Bay and Vancouver. Of course I had to grab a Chai Latte from a coffee shop I'd never been to. Blenz-you did well! We had reservations at a restaurant and got all fancied up for it just like I had originally thought.

Adorable.

It was just perfect! And I had to share, because I needed to share the details with you Mom and Dad, and for the friends that I would typically share them with....

But for the rest of you, I hope you were able to see how wonderful my Hubby is!!!

Such a blessing:D

The Grace of a Mother's Gift

I actually just wrote this paper for an art class but felt that I had to share it with you ladies and gents. Even if it's not Mother's Day, take a moment to remember how incredible your MommyLove's are...

It is not uncommon to be in your twenties and know of eight different women expecting their first, second, or even third child. To be realistic, that number is only going to grow. You may be asking why I would choose the depiction of a new Mother and her newborn child to observe for an art project, and the answer is why not? As I was walking through the art gallery down the road, The Reach, I was looking for a specific piece of work to use as the basis for my assignment. Yet, as I took a step back to think about the other things in my life that represent some of the most beautiful art, I was reminded of a new Mother gazing down at her precious little girl.

            For this specific assignment, I have one new Mother in mind specifically, for she and her husband are great friends of mine. Jenn and her beautiful baby girl Grace have left an everlasting impression on my heart, for there is such beauty in the newness of their love. Grace came into this world in the same way as every other human being, knowing but one person, the woman carrying her. It became obvious from the very beginning that this precious newborn knew the voice of her Father and found comfort in his arms. Yet for this specific assignment, it is my desire to focus our attention on the relationship between a Mother and her child. Being that it is my dream to embark on this adventure in the future, a large part of me finds this miracle intriguing and breathtaking.

            In the first conversation I had with this new Mother, Jenn made the comment that while she was in the hospital, there were about twenty different people that came to visit her and meet her new little princess. Each one of these people were full of love and kindness, yet Grace seemed a little uneasy until she heard her Mother say, “It’s ok sweetie, this is your …” This was a reoccurring theme that carried through out the entire stay in the hospital, and to some degree it made Jenn feel good. This demonstrated that this child, whom Jenn had only felt but had never truly met, actually knew who she was. She found comfort in her voice, and peace in her embrace. From the moment Grace had entered this world, she knew that there was someone that loved her, and desired to protect her.

            As a viewer, you cannot help but feel the desire to experience a love such as this. It’s almost impossible not to feel joy for Jenn as she gains confidence each time she is the only one that can calm her child down. I remember having conversations with Jenn from the beginning of her pregnancy until close to the end and she would say that she afraid she would not know what to do when Grace cried. There were many different comments expressing fear and insecurity, yet that seemed to end once the child came into this world. The comments leaning towards fear or insecurity were more in relation to discipline and everything else that comes later on in a child’s life, which is understandable. I remember the first time I was able to meet Grace, she was hidden under a blanket filling her tummy with warm milk from her Mommy. The look on Jenn’s face was a mix between utter exhaustion and absolute joy. It was evident that there was an immediate connection with her child that was giving her the energy she needed in order to push through the moments of weakness and exhaustion. As a viewer, it is almost impossible not to look at this newborn like a complete miracle. Everything about her life thus far is a miracle, and it’s done completely by God. How can this experience not be related to art?

            Sitting back and listening to this new Mother explain the tiresome days she has experienced since the birth of her child, I was filled with such awe. Such awe in the fact that I too was the one keeping my Mother up until the wee hours of the morning, taking every ounce of energy from her. It’s hard not to wonder what it would be like to see my Mother sitting in that rocking chair, looking down at my sweet little face with such admiration and love. Thoughts such as these not only fill me with wonder, but also with appreciation that I was given an incredible family, for not all are given that.

            The only issue that I could tangibly come up with this experience is the fact that someday, this little girl is going to grow up and no longer need her Mother like she does now. For most this is not an issue, but something of great joy. For my own Mother, this was an experience of heartache. All three of her children seemed to grow up in their own unique ways in a very short period of time. The weekend after my beautiful wedding day, my oldest brother left to join the Army. Weeks after this difficult reality, my youngest brother seemed to leave the little boy in him behind as he started to grow into a teenager. All of these things are not horrible, and each one of these kids have grown up into wonderful young adults. Yet, the woman that brought them into this world experienced such a great amount of change in such a short amount of time that it left her wondering where her babies went. It was as though one day she was cuddling with all three of these children on the couch, discovering new adventures through a storybook. Then the next day, they were clipping their wings and flying into a new sunrise. So this picture I am left with is that being a Mother has its gifts, for there are many. Yet, it also has an element of heartache and for some, that heartache is more traumatic than others.

            So as I sit back and look at this beautiful new Mother, swaddling her precious gem, I am filled with a plethora of prayers. My first prayer is that Jenn can enjoy each and every passing moment with this little girl, as I have with my Mother. I am reminded of the countless shopping trips and the “Girl’s day outs” that were filled with fun, joy, and laughter. My second prayer is that every teenage argument can be tamed with the reality that Jenn just adores her little girl, and desires the absolute best for her. This is something that took time for me, as I was often the one carrying on with that pre-Madonna attitude. My third prayer is that Grace will come to see how incredibly full of wisdom her Mother is. It is my desire that she can appreciate everything her Mother has done, just as I have come to realize. My fourth prayer is a prayer of protection. Knowing what is going on in this world, it breaks my heart to even have to see this precious little angel walk out that door alone. Yet, I am reminded that she has Godly parents, and for that she is blessed. My fifth and final prayer is for Jenn. In seeing what my own Mother has experienced as her nest is quickly becoming empty, I am discovering that this is a difficult transition for most. It is my prayer that she may experience absolute peace and healing when that time comes. Yet, I pray that she is able to enjoy each moment now without ever giving that future thought a moment’s worry.

            In thinking about the picture of this precious new Mother and her gift of a baby girl, I am filled with awe in the reality that God created them both. He created this young woman to carry this child until the day she was supposed to be born. He gave her the strength and endurance to literally push through an incredibly long and strenuous labor, and for that I am inspired. It is almost impossible not to capture a glimpse of the glory of God when you picture Jenn holding Grace for the first time. It’s an absolute picture of beauty, for God has bestowed one of his most precious gifts on this young family. He has demonstrated just what this is as the little girl’s name means, grace.

As we are all but sinners, it is incredible to see that because of God’s grace, we are forgiven. Even in our weakness, he pours his gifts upon us, and for that I am eternally thankful. I remember hearing Jenn talk about the name of her baby, and the reason she had chosen it and I was filled with absolute joy. For we have all been shown grace, and now she has been given Grace.